Let’s be real. It’s Spouse’s Day… whatever that is (last I checked it was called an “Anniversary”). If you’re in your mid-30’s and still file your taxes as "single", you’re probably looking for a great distraction right about now. 

Light Up Anglerfish Costume Hat for Kids and Adults

Reel yourself in and feel great about it with this magical disguise! Admittedly, this one jumped out at me because I can easily identify with the anglerfish. It's cranky, it's pretty ugly, and it spends its time in lonely, lightless places. However! This beaut is both fashionable and practical since it serves as a great deterrent from the emotional throes of being alone. Feeling sad? Cover it up with a joke (or an anglerfish hat)!

*Sobering update: coming across this handsome headpiece pushed me into a rabbit hole of researching the mating habits of anglerfish which made me feel a lot better about myself and my own mating habits (or lack thereof). Extra points for the ego boost*

Buy it: https://amzn.to/2WdY5tV

Fanny Pack Dad Bag

Why worry about getting a whole man when you can get your own well-seasoned, trendsetting beer gut? This fanny pack won't ever talk back nor will it hesitate to hold your phone, lipstick, and beverage or two of your choice. Plus, it's crafted with its very own “feel better about yourself” vibe despite your body type and comes with a cozy pair of "beer me" socks. Winning!

Buy it: https://amzn.to/2WdWWCD

WAZOO Loud Kazoo

Hello, new hard-to-ignore mating call! Today may be Spouse's Day but Jan. 28th is National Kazoo Day so why not take this opportunity to reign supreme? As you already know, variety is the spice of life and colors vary on these babies so take a shot and see what you get. Pair it up with a genuine slide whistle and prepare to get the band back together (even if that band is of the one-man variety).

Buy it: https://amzn.to/2S1j0kD

Wombats Poop Cubes T-Shirt

Somewhere between cocktails, I was reminded that today is not only Spouse's Day but also Australia Day and if that isn't a holiday that everyone can celebrate, I don't know what is. Australia is interesting and different for so many reasons (same as yours truly) but the native wombat really takes the spotlight here because they poop cubes. It's true, look it up. And then be sure to impart this wisdom on others via your fancy new knowledge-spreading t-shirt (that is sure to attract only the finest of spouses).

Buy it: https://amzn.to/2T8YzQb

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